Hester Dingle

A Waterways Project Publication
Richard Spiegel and Barbara Fisher, codirectors
Thomas Perry, administrative assistant

Ofelia Rodriguez Goldstein, Teacher

P911, Center for Continuing Education
Pregnant and Parenting Student Services
Maria Torchia, Principal
Danette Queen, Assistant Principal

Richard Organisciak, Superintendent
Alternative, Adult and Continuing Education, Schools and Programs

Funding support from the New York State Council on the Arts


Who am I ?
Am I the pain in the little
girl's cry
Am I the bird that
flies so high
Am I the star that
shines so bright
Am I the fire that
burns all night
Am I the plane way up high traveling in the
sky with nowhere to land
If I'm not that apple waiting to fall
then please tell me
Who am I ?


listen to me
to my voice
my piercing sounds
piercing like needles
like tearing eyes
tearing sound drops
sounds like love
like your body
your warm arms
warm like heat
like fire burning
fire steaming red
steaming like torture
like flesh falling
flesh crawling away


Love always hurts
always tells lies
tells me stories
me not you
not with guilt
with sharp pain
sharp bloody fangs
bloody red teeth
teeth that bite
that gnaw wood
gnaw on shoulders
on musty arms
musty and dirty
and stinking feet
stinking like fish


I miss your touch
I miss your passionate love
I miss being around you
I miss you holding me
I miss your kisses
I miss the way you smile
I miss your phone calls
I miss your walking me home
Did I tell you that
I miss you?


Come to me if you really love me
Come to me if you want to be with me
Come to me if you respect my wishes
Come to me if you care for me
Come to me if you want a relationship
Come to me if you want me to stay
Come to me if you're not afraid of committment
Come to me because I need you


I remember when I first met you
I remember when you first kissed me
I remember when I made love to you
I remember when you said you loved me
I remember when you hit me
I remember when you apologized but did, it again
I remember when you told me I'll be back but,
you didn't
I remember when we had a good relationship
I remember when I used to love you


Why ask why
ask simple questions
simple as you
as your touch
your juicy lips
juicy as candy
as passionate love
passionate also wonderful
also loving you
loving your body
your sexy style
sexual great moments


Why do you abuse me
You throw me around
You kick me on the ground
But, you still say " I love you"
Is that your way of loving?
If it is then you don't need to love me.
Hurting someone is not a show
of love.
Smacking, punching and kicking someone
Doesn't make a good relationship.
If you say you love me you shouldn't
hit me.
One day I will abuse you back and
Show you that hitting is not the


I lost
Someone I loved
Cared for and looked up to.
I thought she would never leave me

I still
Think she is here
Deep within my sorry soul.
I'll always remember friendship
And love


Until you gave me away
I used to be happy
Then you let him come near to
bother me.
Why did you let him in?
You're supposed to protect me.
I hate you for introducing me to him.
I thought you were my friend.
Why did you give me a partner
Without my permission.
Once we were very happy,
Just the two of us.
We played hide and seek, spoke the night
Away, we washed and we dressed.
Femininity was ours.
But, for a cheap thrill you gave me away.
Let me rest and stay clean. Please don't
Let him come in again.


Kind and smart
Even mean sometimes
I like the way you smile at me
Sharing your thoughts even
Helping with your child
And also loving me.

Sharin is caring
Having feelings for someone
Anxious to know why
Nasty words were spoken
To you in those ways
Aren't neccessary to fight
Even though they hurt


In my ideal world there
wouldn't any homeless
because they would have a house
to go to. There wouldn't be a season
called winter because no one wants to be
cold. I would have all the houses in the world.
I would live in the biggest mansion ever made.
If this was my world I would have servants
kissing my feet. I wouldn't have to do anything
for myself because I would have people I don't
like to do it for me. People would suck up to me
like a cat in heat. I would be so famous
and popular that when I cross the street
everyone would stop their cars
and let me float across the street
as slow as I want .


Ay, What's the matter down there
Why is everyone crying?
Everyone should be happy instead of being sad
Mom and Dad you should be happy I'm up here.
I'm safe and I can't get AIDS. Up here is fun.
It is very beautiful.
There are clean white clouds, many nice angels.
This is the place I want to be, with
my heavenly father.
Up here is more beautiful than down there.
There are no men to rape or abuse you.

My time was up I had to go.
I wanted my father and
Mother to come but it wasn't their time to go.
I wished my belongings had followed me
but they couldn't fit.
Please stop the tears, bring joy into your lives
Because I am being cared by
our heavenly father.
I never thought I would see him so soon
But I'm glad I did because he
Loves me and he is watching me
For eternity.


My anger is black
Black like a midnight cat.
It tastes sour
like a real tart lime.
Anger comes in when tears
fall from my eyes and
the pain inside doesn't want to
go away.
I want to strangle it, burn it
until it disintegrates into ashes
so I can blow it far away
from me.
It feels like ice frozen in my
It smells like rotten old cabbage
left behind in a garbage can.
My anger hides in my heart
but lives in my mind.
My anger is something to be afraid of.


Pain enters my being
when I least expect it.
It always comes uninvited
and ready to
hurt me.
It is never polite.
It never asks "Can I Come In for awhile"
It just comes in and sits on my heart squeezing
it tight.
I try to push it away but it always
comes back.
I've never liked pain but pain seems
to like me.
I wish it would notice that it is not
welcome and that I don't want it around
me anymore.


Mama used to say " Stay away from them boys",
because if you stay away from them you won't
get involved with sex.
You won't get a disease.
You won't get pregnant.
But did I listen?
Mama said if you get a disease or get pregnant.
you are going to be disappointed in yourself
and my heart will be broken.
If you have a child you will not have
your freedom
and no one will want you with a disease.
But did I listen?
Thank God I didn't get a disease but
I am sorry mama that I broke your heart
when I turned fourteen.


When I first came to P911
I thought it would be nice
I wanted it to be fun
A new experience
But I wasn't ready for an all girl school.
A school for pregnant girls
Or parenting teens;
Young girls who left their youth
I guess what I expected wasn't
Happening .
The school didn't meet my expectations.
I was confronted with reality
Giving birth and changing bodies.
School was boring, homework was constant,
As constant as the Junior High School I left Behind.
There were no young boys
To make one feel special.
Without boys it ain't fun in school.
They make life exciting and full of promises.
The only thing I like in this school is that
I've learned Math quicker than
in my other school.
But, if I had a choice to which school
I could attend
I'd have to choose P9ll for their Parenting Class
Child Development and Lit
For LYFE that protects my daughter
For newly found female friendship, comradeship
And support during the birthing process of
my aging
Fourteen year bod
And for Poetry's freedom.
After I leave this school I shall not
Forget my teachers. They helped me when
I needed help
And understood me when I was in their class
I also won't forget
The friends I met while at P911.


The day my aunt died, I was sad.
She was the one in the coffin and
Not a person I hate.
I never thought she would leave
Me so soon.
I prayed to God she would stay
With me for ever
To believe in me, to protect me....
I guess I didn't pray hard enough
Because she left me at a young age.
I was so hurt to see
My favorite aunt laying there
With no more problems,
No more worries,
And no more pains in her life.
Instead of lying there she should
Have been
Watching T.V. and enjoying life
With me.

In Search of a Song