Nihesha Simmons


A Waterways Project
Publication
Richard Spiegel
Barbara Fisher
codirectors
Thomas Perry
administrative assistant

Ofelia Rodriguez Goldstein
Teacher

P911, Center for Continuing Education
Pregnant and Parenting Student Services
Maria Torchia, Principal
Danette Queen, Assistant Principal

Richard Organisciak, Superintendent
Alternative, Adult and Continuing Education,
Schools and Programs

Funding support from
New York State Council on the Arts


If You Want...

If you want it, you can stop.
If you want it, you can go.
If you want it, you can learn.
If you want it, you can grow.
If you want it, you can laugh.
If you want it, you can cry.
If you want it, you can live.
If you want it, you can die.
If you want it, you can love.
If you want it, you can hate.
If you want it, we could be together.
If you want it, we could separate.
If you want it, you can be free.
If you want it, you can be a slave.
If you want it, you can be captured.
If you want it, you can be saved.
If you want it, you can dance.
If you want it, you can sing.
If you want it, you can be successful.
If you want it, you can be anything.
If you want it, you can walk.
If you want it, you can run.
If you want it, you could be mine.
If you want it, we could be fine...
Forever.

Tell Me


Tell me
If you love me.
I need to know for sure.
Not knowing is a pain I can't
Endure.

I Am You.

I am you.
Am pregnant too.
Pregnant and full.
And all alone.
All by myself.
By the way
The father's gone.
Father not needed.
Not with me!
With his child.
His heart bleeds.
Heart on fire.
On bent knee.
Bent from pain.
From long hate.
Long lonely nights.
Lonely from love.
From all years.
All the days.
The nights sweat.
Nights are cold.
Are far away.

As I Watch

Lying on my back, with the wind on my face,
Leaving an expressionless trace,
I watch everyone looking down at me in my eternal bed.
And, I hear a voice say, "I wish we'd had time to wed."
While they're looking down,
I notice my spirit looking up at them and
I can't believe I am finally gone.
I haven't seen Africa. I haven't seen France.
I will never sing or dance.
I can't believe it's over now.
And, as I cry, I feel a hand on my brow.
I see my Heavenly Father and I hear him say,
"My lost child, you've turned your life around.
You've watched your child grow to be successful,
and you loved your family even after
they turned their backs on you.
No more suffering. No more pain.
You won't be put through this again."
And as he talked to me, I felt a calming ease.
Then, I felt my spirit blow away like a breeze.
I danced with the clouds on the slippery sky
and I saw Africa and France on their best
days and nights.

Who Am I?

I brighten your days and go away at nights,
Make spindly trees grow and happy birds fly.
Can make it cold. Can make it hot.
Can make shadows in one spot.
People look at me before the night.
Birds look at me before they take flight.
I shine and twinkle on the ocean's blue.
They often say I make emotions true,
Make you see mirages in the skies.
At times people wonder why I do what I do.
I May not be able to make your dreams come true,
But you see me and I see you

I Want

I want to be understood.
I want to be noticed.
I want to be loved.
I want to move on.
I want a better life.
I want to be successful.
I want someone to grow old with.
I want a good job.
I want a lot of money.
I want to be somebody special.
I want to explore the world.
I want to live my own life.
I want to make my father proud.
I want a bigger home.
I want some better grades.
I want to be satisfied.
I want to be alone.
I want to be wise.
I want to be important.
I want to be hugged.
I want to be free.
I want to be God's friend.
I want not to be afraid.
I want to be understood.
Yes, I want so many things.



My Friend

Anger inside makes my belly hot.
Thinking I stole your money ...not!
Friends mess around your friendship,
Trying to pull you down in their pure nonsense;
People soaping your head to get you messed up,
Making me think you're stupid.
Threats I don't fret, because I won't let you get to me.
Curses only release some of my rage.
Accusing me, not looking at the facts,
You're not anything for me to watch my back.
I don't even know why I'm mad.
I just lost something that I thought I had...
A Friend!

What Happened To Us?

"He doesn't love you," I heard her say.
He loves only me
but you don't listen much anymore.
You don't hear my silent cries.
We've slept together. We've bled together.
We've cried together, a lifetime through.
But love comes with pain.
Love brings much sorrow,
but my feelings remained unheard.
When will you see that he is only using you.
I am the only friend you have left.

This Day

On this special day.
On a day I shall never forget.
News traveled to hurt.
It made me happy.
It made me sad.
I wanted to laugh.
I wanted to cry.
A day that came and I couldn't avoid.
No choices my way.
I had to deal with it.
Did this to myself.
Then you came.
You changed my life.
You turned it around.
You made bad things good.
Sad things happy.
Even the coldest days turned into summer.
When life hurts,
My child's love keeps me strong.
My special day was the day that changed my life.
The day you were born.

dedicated to Niera Aimani Jaquada Roberta Simmons
November 26,1999.

Come and Go

In and out.
Out and in.
Tired of the ins.
Worry about the outs.
You stay away.
Then back inside you go.
You speak words that aren't true.
Because you do things that aren't right.
How much pain can a young girl hold?
How many times will I have to cry?
How many times should I wish you'd die?
Don't try to be my friend.
Because our friendship has come to an end.
No more lies, no more pain.
No more movement.
Stay in one place.

Thoughts

How did we meet?
Was it fate?
Was it destiny?
Was it everything you wanted it to be?
Are you in love?
How deep is your love?
How can you tell?
Do you breathe hard when you hear my name?
When you kiss me
do you think of fortune, marriage, and fame?
Do you read my mind and know
what I'm about to say?
Do you close your eyes when you give me a hug?
Am I your dream?
If so...
Am I dreaming?

To an X-friend

You talk so much funky brown s#%!. You play stupid wicked mind games. It's just a shame. You're too immature to look beyond your nose, to look into the future. You're so naive. I thought we were friends like, Chucky, friends to the end. But it was a lie. You told me you would help. You said so many times. Now hate runs through my veins like an Amtrak train. Take my words lightly if you please. While you sleep, my words will haunt you. They'll prey on your flesh like raw meat. You'll be on your knees bleeding, dying, calling on me for help. But as I open my mouth to speak, your body suddenly turns weak, because you acknowledge the lies you've told. You sense revenge. You sense the hurt. And worse you smell my hate. I'll say to you, You're out of luck because if you die, I wouldn't give a #@$%.

Tired

I'm tired of being depended on.
Why! Don't you have any other role models?
Always in my business
When they need to take care of their own.
I owe nothing to no one, so why depend on me?
I'm tired of everyone thinking I'm a bad girl.
So what if I make mistakes?
It's my world. My life.
I do what I want to do.
You can't tell me what to do.
I don't even know why you care.
Get off my back.
I can't carry you and your burdens.
I can't fight your battles anymore.
Don't bring me down to your negative level.
You might look better, but my mind is stronger.
You couldn't hurt me even if you tried.
But don't try, because you'll be wasting your time.

Like A Rubberband

You tell me you promise.
But often you go back on your word.
You tell me I'm your one and only.
But once again you forget
once your outside with your friends.
You tell me you'll help with my problems.
And like a rubberband you
always go back into your old self.
You tell me I'll take care of the baby.
But you often forget.
You must not love me
For your simple promises aren't kept.
You forget I have a brain who likes to think.
But yours constantly misses my thoughts.
When I needed help you weren't there.
And our baby doesn't know your face.
You can make me love you as easily as I hate you.
For like a rubber band you're
an on and off, wishy-washy person.
Could this be the reason
Your promises and words don't get along?

Words to the Wise

Leave your friends alone and play with your enemies.
Friends always find themselves saying,
"She was my friend. She was just with me."
But friends are not always what they seem to be.
They talk about you behind your back,
Right after you leave their side.
Stop.
Become your best friend.
Trust no one.
You are the only one you can trust
To tell the truth
To yourself.

In Search of a Song